Help for Pastors
PK Help & Love
Karin Appleby, PK Servant, Smoldering Wick
Dear fellow PKs,
Have you ever thought to yourself, why did my parents have to go into the ministry? Why does everyone hold me to a higher standard than my friends? Why doesn't God take better care of His servants? If you have your not alone! Being a pastors kid is not an easy thing. Being exposed to the problems and hypocrisy in the church at a very early age can leave you with more questions than answers about God. It can even leave you wondering, did I really choose this God or did my parents or the ministry choose Him for me?
As a pastors kid I was at the church every time the doors were open. I loved the Lord with all my heart, and was proud my daddy was a preacher. As the years went by the ministry began to take it's toll on my family. I watched as the people my parents loved and poured their lives into took them for granted. The church always wanted just a little more of my parents time, but rarely was there a pay increase. I heard the comment," you shouldn't behave that way, your the pastors daughter", when my actions were no different from my friends. Finally, I saw my parents burned out and pushed out of the churches where they had faithfully served the Lord for so many years. It left my family weary and so wounded. It left me trying to decide if I wanted to follow a God who would allow this to happen to his servants.
I became bitter. My parents had decided to follow God's call and go into ministry. That was fine for them, but God hadn't called me, I was just the victim here. I was so angry that God had made me a PK. I was angry that God, who was supposed to be loving and good, would allow this to happen to my family. I was angry that the very people who called themselves Christians and who my family loved and served could turn on us at the first sign of burnout.
I will never forget the day I finally had it out with God. I was seventeen years old standing in the middle of my driveway screaming at the top of my lungs. I'm sure the neighbors thought I was crazy. I had been telling myself for so long that God was good and loving and in-control, but what I was going through felt neither good, loving or in-control. I told God I was finished with Him, finished serving Him and being His child. His reply astounded me because I had never before heard His voice so clearly and because of the words He spoke to me. He said, "NO! Karin neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate you from my love(Rom 8:38-39). Karin, in all things I work for the good of those who love me, who have been called according to my purpose(Rom 8:28). You have been called".
Flash ahead thirteen years. Tonight I sit at my computer writing an article for Smoldering Wick Ministries. So how did I get from screaming at God in my driveway to working in the ministry myself ? TIME! The healing process was a slow one. For me the first step was realizing that God truly did love me and had called me to be a pastors kid. He was in charge or whatever else my future held. He had a very specific purpose and destiny in mind for me.
Slowly I began to hear god's voice saying" Karin, keep your eyes on me." Don't focus on the people in the church who have wounded you. That's for me to deal with. The church is not me. What your family went through is not my heart for you. Give your hurts over to me. Forgive these people,so that I can begin to heal your own wounds. Karin, Satan meant this for evil, but I will use this for good. I want to use this in your life."
This was the hardest thing I had ever considered doing. "Forgive these people God?" He began to show me that what he was asking me to forgive was small in comparison to His forgiveness toward me. I also realized that not forgiving them was turning me into a bitter and unhappy person. Forgiving the people who had wounded my family was a process. Each time I was able to forgive I felt released into greater freedom. As I switched my focus off of the people who hurt me and my family and on to my healer, God began to change my woundedness into compassion for others. I slowly began to become excited to see how He would use this in my life.
I know first hand how wounded you are right now. Our wounds may be caused by very different circumstances, but our healing comes from the same place. I want to encourage you to fix your eyes on Jesus. Take your eyes off of the circumstances and people who have wounded you and place them on the one who longs to bind up your broken heart and give you gladness for mourning (Isa.. 61:1-3). This is not the end! God will use this experience in your life to take you into deeper relationship with Him and prepare you for the amazing destiny he has planned for you if you will only let Him. "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future(Jer. 29:11)".
Kim, Kathy and myself are here to help you and love you. It really is important that you understand Tree of Life living, which is the environment for healing. Shoot me an email, and let me help you. Father loves you and wants to run out and hug you, kiss your neck, put a ring on your finger, robe around you and sandals on your weary feet. Gods bless you!
In Father's love,
Karin