Why Your Husband Is Losing His Mind!
This is Kim writing, not Kathy. I want to share with you ladies some
insight from the male perspective. You already know your husband is
very different from you. No news there, but, the differences will be
magnified through this trial of burnout.
First, ladies, please try to remember, burnout is a good thing for your
husband! God, in His infinite wisdom has allowed such things as
<I> disillusionment, bewilderment, and burnout</I>.Yes, it
hurts and it will be a trial for the whole family, not just your
husband. The end result will be brokeness and deep humility. These
needed characteristics come at a great price. If you are a normal
human, these Godly traits will seem too costly to all concerned. Tell
that to God. I have, many, many times. Back me up, blend your voice
with mine!
In Exodus 15:3 we are told “the Lord is a warrior, yes, the Lord is His
name!” Your husband is made in the likeness and image of God. Part of
your husbands make up is “warrior.” Have you ever looked out the
kitchen window to see your husband beating the lawnmower to death with
a golf club? You may have frowned and asked yourself, “Why did I marry
this guy? I should have listened to mother!”
When the warrior you married has been defeated in battle many times he
will react with great anger, or depression, or both. When he comes home
at the end of the day and slams the door you know he has had a few
defeats in the battle of life that day. Now is not a good time to say,
“Well, I see you forgot to pick up a gallon of milk like I asked you to
this morning!”
After a number of defeats, he tries to cut the lawn and the mower will
not start! Another defeat! In his tired, bitter mind he determines to
win this battle at all costs. If the lawnmower will not start, then he
will beat it to death! That will teach it to defy him!
Now, in your ration, female mind, that makes no sense. The lawnmower is
an inanimate object! You can’t teach it a lesson! Hey, don’t tell your
husband that. He doesn’t care. He has to win a battle somewhere,
somehow, someway. Don’t bother him with the details.
So, its kick the dog or kill the lawnmower. Now lets take this sad
truth and plug it into the church. Many things have changed since the
first century church. In the “good old days” of century one, the pastor
was the leader, the preacher, the healer, the man of God. Today in our
modern democracies many people feel very free to rule the church. The
deacon, the elder, the worship leader, the board member, the aging
influential member of stature - all, at times are more than
willing to put forth their will in a manner that creates war among men.
It takes little conflict to create a war mentality. Remember David and
Nabal? David speaks life to Nabal. Nabal speaks death back to David.
David immediately draws his sword and tells his men to mount their
steeds and get ready to kill every male living thing on Nabal’s ranch!
David was not unusual as a man. Remember in Egypt, when the
Israelites were multiplying too fast? The Pharaoh’s answer was war -
let’s kill all the male children of the Israelites. When Jesus was
born, Herod was intimidated, and his answer was - war against the
children of Bethlehem! Form the day that Cain killed Able, man’s answer
to a problem is war - kill the problem! When we plug this pathetic
formula into day to day running of the church we have a sad situation.
Under the surface of the culture, just behind the smiles and the “God
bless you, brothers,” is a tension within the men who desire their will
be done in church as it is in their own minds! The result is the church
culture is false, and everyone knows people are playing a game. It is
the culture of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Each man is
promoting his knowledge of good for the church, but it is his
definition of good.
Your husbands spirit yearns to live in the Tree of Life. He works daily
in an atmosphere of death (Tree of Good and Evil) trying to promote
life flow and love. After many years of this irony, your husbands
spirit says, “does not compute, does not compute, program will shut
down in ten seconds.” Something inside this man you married is dying.
He is no longer the same person. He is becoming detached from you and
everyone else. Two plus two is no longer four. As your husband
disintegrates he will not even care that two and two are no longer
four. Let it be six, who gives a hoot!
Your husband needs some fresh air to breath. Remember Jesus told the
disciples to walk over and unwrap Lazarus grave cloths? Jesus is the
one responsible to take people in death and give them life. Then he
turns to men like your husband and you, and says, “Go unwrap the grave
cloths.” That calling to ministry is wonderful! An honor to say
the least. And, yet, it is a job that STINKS! You see, when you are
unwrapping grave raps, they smell of death. The odor is putrid. So,
logically, you need to step away on a regular timed basis and breath
deep of fresh pure air of life and be filled with that life. Many a
pastor stays and works and works, and vomits, and works, and vomits.
Then one day he simply keels over because the fumes of death have
effected his heart and brain.
We need every church in America to be a life-giving church. We have the
flow of death in far too many congregations. Every pastor, associate
pastor, youth pastor and other full-time staff need time away on
retreat or refresher on a regular basis. The entire atmosphere of the
church must be life-flow and covenant-love flow. People must speak life
sincerely to one another, and everyone must let Jesus pastor his own
church!
On this web site you will find many of these ideas I have briefly hit
upon in much greater detail. Be like Jesus, never give up on your
husband. Speak life and love into his spirit and drive out the spirit
of death. Seek a life-giving female friend to help you through this
difficult time. We love you all.